October

I no longer like the month of October.  This was the month that Tom passed away and each day now until the day he died reminds me over and over.   Each day now until the 26th were days filled with watching him slowly get weaker and weaker.   Last night I sat and looked at pictures through the years of he and I, of he and the kids,  but none of all of us together.  I regret that so much.  I wish we had had a picture taken of all four of us together. 

I miss him so much, when I look at the pictures I can hear his voice and when I see him smile I hear his laugh.  We used to talk about his being on borrowed time and I used to wonder what would my life be like without him....well now I know, it is lonely and sad.   I miss you Tom so much and wonder if the ache will ever go away.....

The holiday are approaching and I just cannot work up any enthusiasm....