As I travel through my favorite blogs I notice a trend lately, people are hurting. Whether physical, or emotional pain, many seem to be having a hard time right now. And I got to thinking, why is it so much easier to share our pain with strangers than with members of our own family? I suppose it is the human condition of wanting to be positive, not wanting to bring down the people to which we are close. I have found that if you hide your pain, or your hurt, people think all is okay and they expect you to maintain your happy face. They expect the well oiled machine of family life to keep on trucking the way it always does.
I know that in "Grandmother's day", pain was kept neatly tucked inside, sucked up and endured in stoic silence. I remember once we were heading out on a five hour trip and right before we left Grandma slammed her thumb in the car door. This was back in the day when car doors weren't exactly padded like they are now. She wrapped a hankie around her thumb and never said a word to a soul that whole trip. The pain must have been unbearable. But that was how suffering was done in Grandma's day.
And then came our generation, the baby boomers and we learned that joy and pain alike should be shared, but if the pain became to great we shouted to the rafters "give me a shot of something."
I am stuck in the middle, I was raised by my Grandmother and learned early on, no one enjoys being around a complainer. But I have also found that if I keep on trucking and do whatever needs to be done, the people around me ignore the fact that my tail is dragging and they just go ahead and let me do it all. Right now I am getting ready for a trip, and my tail is dragging.....I am not meaning to complain, but I sure do wish there was a shot I could take to pull me out of this, or the people around me would cut me some slack.
And then came our generation, the baby boomers and we learned that joy and pain alike should be shared, but if the pain became to great we shouted to the rafters "give me a shot of something."
I am stuck in the middle, I was raised by my Grandmother and learned early on, no one enjoys being around a complainer. But I have also found that if I keep on trucking and do whatever needs to be done, the people around me ignore the fact that my tail is dragging and they just go ahead and let me do it all. Right now I am getting ready for a trip, and my tail is dragging.....I am not meaning to complain, but I sure do wish there was a shot I could take to pull me out of this, or the people around me would cut me some slack.
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21 comments:
I know what you mean about pain.
There was a lot MORE of it... physical pain at least in our grandparents' days...
Also strong painkillers were NOT so nearly well available then as now.
I think the pain suffered today is mostly psychological... only perhaps it is more widespread, more severe even - and just as real.
In this world where everything we desire can be ours... People are just not happy.
Don't get me started about shots - I took shots of heroin daily for many years and am still trying to clean myself up!
I found you via Akelamalu's blog and your comment on K-Fed - I agree 100% with what you say!
You are so right Nea, in granny's day people were made of sterner stuff. I too spent a lot of time with my granny and find it really hard to ask for help even when I'm really suffering. I hope they notice your tail honey and give you a hand. x
Our families think we can just go and go....they dont want to think about us being in pain or unable to do this or that. Our Grandmothers were certainly made of stronger stuff....and I think they got more respect than we do. Its a different world today....and not for the best either. The loss of respect is very evident...
Hi Glenwood, welcome to my blog. And thank you for the support. I am not a Britany fan by any means, but when I see someone in pain, I really don't think kicking them is the answer. If those kids were actually abused it would have been different. NO proof, lots of lies, and money. A dangerous combination.
It is a rough job trying to get sober from any kind of substance, after years of use, isn't it? I applaud you and wish you the very best of luck. We are all hurting and as you say a whole lot of it is psychological. I suppose until we figure out just what it is that we are running away from it is hard to stop running. I have had my own problems, not with drugs, but with running away......from things.
Everything we desire we can mostly have, and yet we still can't be happy.....tells you something about how spoiled we are, doesn't it, haha......Grandma was to tired at night to be sad or unhappy. I guess what we need is more physical hard work...haha
Hi Akela, no one notices......until they are in the bathroom and have no toilet paper...haha
I have a really hard time asking for any help, just the way I was raised.....and when I do finally break down and ask, and it takes a lot for me to do so, and then no one listens, I get pretty upset.......and I don't like to be upset, so I just don't ask. I think my family has long since figured this all out.
we were indeed taught that no one likes to hear a complainer...and that you just have to keep going and going and going no matter how you feel. But, we all run down now and then and while it has taken me a long, long time to learn to ask for help when I need it, I AM learning- a LITTLE...and then I remember that other saying, "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
Aw honey, here have a great big ((HUG))
New here, and enjoying reading your blog.
My mom also hurt her arm while closing the car's door and she suffered for weeks because of it and I don't recall her complaining at all.
How stoic she was. I complain for a lot less.
Marie
nea- "......until they are in the bathroom and have no toilet paper...haha."
i call that "going to the drive-in without a date!"
You're right, there's a lot of emotional pain all over the place now...it's hard to talk about it, because, nobody likies a whiner!
The net gives people a place to sound off but it doesn't put the toilet paper in the bathroom. You have to talk to your family as hard as that may be and as poor listners as they seem to be.
Hi Cindy, I also have never found it easy to ask for help, for many reasons, mostly because they aren't listening and then I get upset. haha
Hi Akela, well I got it done and we left, and now we are at my son's and I have already made, cookies, an applie crisp, cheese ball, meat loaf, and now he wants peanut butter cookies, a rhubarb crips, pumpkin pie, and who knows what else. I have been cooking for two days. Man am I tired........but I have been eating well. haha
Hi maria, I think they were just made of toughter stuff. imagine having babies at home with no pain killers. Grandma had 11......OUCH....
HI Libby. haha, I liked your analogy.... and I agree.
Most of my friends are going through something right now, and most of them don't really talk about it much, but you can sense the pain. I guess we all have medical shit to deal with too.......
Hi Dr. John, I know that in some families the people are thoughtful and caring, but in mine, they don't deal well with illness, their own or anyone elses. So they try to pretend it doesn't exist. It is okay until they want me to go shopping and stand on my feet for 5 or 6 hours. I just can't do that anymore.
Families hide their pain from each other because they are close, I think. And usually when someone greets you with "How are you" or "How's it going", we will always reply "good" - they would be really taken aback if we REALLY told them how we felt.
So we have to take the initiative and go to doctors, clergy, counsellors, telephone befriending services (or the world-wide web).
I was a member of The Samaritans for about 15 years and the stuff which folk would tell a complete stranger, over the phone, was quite an eye opener to me initially.
Hi avus, how true, how true. When I go to the Dr. they will say, and how are you, and I reply, fine, just fine. Now if I were just fine, why would I be at the dr.'s, haha.......
I bet you heard a lot on the phone during those 15 years........that would be a hard job....
Nea
Re the cooking, go on strike and ask them to cook for you for a change, you certainly deserve it.
Pete...:-)
XX
Sometimes it is not that people don't care but they don't think. I am quilty of that. My mother was over 80 and had a hip replacement and I had her walking around the State Fair grounds all day. She didn't say a word, but my uncle said something so she must have said something to him. Next year I rented a wheelchair and I pushed her.
You have an award Nea, please call by and collect it. x
hey Nea, haven't seen you for a long time..busy meeting up with family? just drop by to say hello :)
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