Off The Beaten Path

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Georgia, United States
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

Thursday, June 5

Time Heals All Things

Time is said to heal all things; well, not an enlarged heart. My husband has a very enlarged heart and the Dr. gave him about 10 to 15 years to live about 8 years ago. It isn't something that we ever talk about, we have two children together and when he had his last heart attack Nick was only four. For years I had been telling him something was wrong. I had watched a steady decrease in his activity to the point he spent most of his time sleeping. In 1999 they did triple bypass surgery on him. It was not an easy operation because he also was anemic and had congestive heart failure.

In the last six months he has been spending most of his time sleeping, he is asleep right now. It has me worried, maybe a little more than usual because my neighbor across the street passed away in just four days from congestive heart failure. The Dr.'s thought she had bronchitis.

We do not have nor really have ever had, what I would call the best marriage in the world. We separated in the year 2000 soon after he got out of the hospital and fully recovered from his surgery. (I had planned to move before he got sick and stayed with him till he got well.) But after we moved, the kids missed him so much, and I had been raised without a Dad, and I felt so guilty, I just gave in and moved back in with their Dad. It is never easy putting together a marriage, but under the circumstances it was extra hard.

In the last two days I have been spending a lot of time thinking about love, what is love, how does it manifest, what keeps it going, why does it end, can you ever get it back? In our own way I guess we love one another, however we never express it in words. I guess for some of us there is really only one great love, and it is probably best if that is the person that we actually marry.

Soon both of my kids will be grown and out of the home, what then? Do two people who have grown so far apart ever hope to get back together? We don't fight, we don't dislike one another, we just don't, "anything." Oh well, I guess it isn't really a question that anyone can answer, especially us, since we don't talk about it.


quilly said...

Love is felt and expressed differently differently in every relationship. Usually love between a husband and a wife includes passion and romance, but it doesn't have to. I could easily guess, since the two of you rarely argue, that the passion is gone. You have no common interests beyond your children -- but you have forged an alliance and a friendship. You have loyalty and mutual concern. That isn't the love we all dream of, but it is better than many get.

Nea said...

It isn't the love we dream of when we are little girl. And yes, you are right, the passion left the marriage about the year Nick was born. I think that is when I first noticed that he was always tired. We have loyalty, we have friendship and we have our children. Beyond that, not much. Decisions I make always come back to either warm me or haunt me, until I am fortunate enough to lose my memory. I am very sad right now, my neighbor across the street just passed away and it was such a shock.

Louisiana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Louisiana said...

my sweet, i read you had (will be) written(ing) an email. i can't wait to receive it for you are right we have much to catch up on including this post and the other you deleted. i await it excitedly.

i love you. be at peace hon.

oh, btw, had to erase 1st comment, a fix was needed :).