Off The Beaten Path

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Georgia, United States
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

Friday, July 25

Last Call

I remember years ago when I would go to the bars with my husband, he would be at one end of the bar drinking and I would be at the other end, waiting for him to get done so we could go home. The only reason I went was to make sure he got home safely. I didn't drink, and didn't really enjoy the bar crowd. Often guys would try and pick me up, they didn't really realize that I was there with anyone. I often just drank soda water, or what they call Collin's Mix. I really didn't even care for carbonated beverages, I would have just as soon had a glass of water. I married my husband when I was 21. He was already 29 and well on his way to becoming an alcoholic. He was also Native American Indian and I firmly believe that he really didn't have the metabolism to handle much alcohol because he always got drunk long before his friends even when they began drinking at the same time and drank the same number of beers.

When we got married he had said to me, "I drink," "I hope that isn't a problem," and me being young and totally ignorant as to what being married to a person who drinks would be like, replied, "it doesn't matter." I soon realized the error of that reply and regretted those words. It was not long after we were married I realized that I had no business being married to someone who would go off on Friday night and not come home until Sunday with total disregard for their family.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about him, that marriage to him, my boys who were a product from that marriage and how twists and turns create life altering changes. My being married to him changed how I look at the world, other people, other relationships. And for better or worse completely shaped the course of my life.


Anonymous said...

Nea, for many years after my divorce I didn't go to bars and quite often left parties early. I had such a hatred for alcohol that I wanted to grab people who had obviously had too much and ask them if they knew where their family was, was the rent paid, and did their kids have shoes ....

It is a life changing experience. I am now past the anger, and I am a much, much stronger person. I also have a very good idea of what my priorities are.

How did your experience change you?

Nea said...

I came out of the experience totally exhausted and rather apprehensive of men in general. I married Tom because he was "safe". Not sure if that tells you a bit about his personality, but he is as aggresive as lint, and totally laid back. A bit too much I have found out. There must be a happy medium. But after my marriage to an alcoholic I wasn't NOT really in a position to look for a husband, I was numb.

I like you have no use for alcohol now, in fact I am pretty bad, I don't even care much for social drinking, mostly because a lot of people do not know when to quit. I was angry for years and blamed him for most of the rotten things that happened in my life. And yes some were definitely his fault, he also didn't pay any child support and dropped off the radar so I never could collect anything. He owes me something like 40,000. Later I find out he bought land, build fence, bought horses, built barns and house, and we barely scraped by for a long time. Oh well, I have let it all go now.......

but we were married for 14 years, and I stayed so long because i really loved him, and I always thought if he would only quit drinking we could have a good life. He never did. I saw him for the first time this last summer, and I asked him, "did you ever stop drinking," he smiled, and said "no."

The Old Fart said...

Nea ~ We all learn from our experiences. I used to do the Bar Scene but now even hate the thought of having to go out. I would rather go to a coffee shop and spend time with my friends there.

There is one pub I like to go to but we go for the food and the ambience and fellowship. Not to get wasted and not remember getting home.

Take Care Nea