Christmas Over Again

I made it through Christmas.   I no longer really care for Christmas now that Tom is gone,  I think he was my motivation, he really liked Christmas and he was a kid when it came to presents.  Our anniversary is on the 23rd so that also makes it a hard month for me.   I did put up a few ornaments and a tree but I didn't decorate the porch like we used to.  But that was mainly because of my bad hip, getting up and down a ladder didn't seem like it would be much fun this year.  I still have the tree up but all of the ornaments are off, just has lights now.  But that is what I like most, the lights.  I will get it all down in a few days, I am still enjoying my lights.  I am very depressed and I think taking the tree down will make me worse. 

October

I no longer like the month of October.  This was the month that Tom passed away and each day now until the day he died reminds me over and over.   Each day now until the 26th were days filled with watching him slowly get weaker and weaker.   Last night I sat and looked at pictures through the years of he and I, of he and the kids,  but none of all of us together.  I regret that so much.  I wish we had had a picture taken of all four of us together. 

I miss him so much, when I look at the pictures I can hear his voice and when I see him smile I hear his laugh.  We used to talk about his being on borrowed time and I used to wonder what would my life be like without him....well now I know, it is lonely and sad.   I miss you Tom so much and wonder if the ache will ever go away.....

The holiday are approaching and I just cannot work up any enthusiasm....

New Year's Day

Everyone wishing everyone else a Happy New Year,    I sit here and think, Happy......hardly think so, I haven't been happy since Tom got so sick.  And not sure when and if I will ever be happy again.  He was the joy and humor in this family and I miss him so much.   Miss that laugh and smile.....I have been going through pictures going to get some up on the walls, I need to feel his presence.....I miss him so much.

Tom Zimitravich 1940- 2017

My husband passed away on Thursday the 26th of October at 10:38.  My son Nick and I were by his side.  He died here at home under our care.  The last week we had Hospice come to the house, but the did not do much of his actual care, more just moral support.  He fought a good fight, but it was one he could not win.  Yet we got a few more years than the Dr.'s anticipated at the time he had his open heart surgery in 1999.  I will always miss his laughter and smiling face.  He was a happy man and always found humor in everything he did.   He never had a harsh word for anyone and he was a generous and kind man,  I loved him very much.   All he asked for when he was dying was a fine journey and a safe landing,  I sure do hope that he was able to accomplish that.   I miss you so much honey....and I always will.

Building a Catio

I have seven cats.    Not really by choice,   by drop off,  and I am kind hearted and love cats,  so I now have seven of them.   Five girls and two boys.    In order to make their life and mine a bit easier, I decided to build them a Catio.    I started the project in May 2016,  and I am just now finishing.   I have yet to build the tunnel that will take them from the house to the Catio, but I don't expect that to take me very long.   They shall be using it by next month.  This is on a very steep hill which make the construction a bit tricky.  I was up on a ladder about 16 feet in the air to put on the roof.