Off The Beaten Path

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Georgia, United States
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

Saturday, August 2

So Like Me

We watch our children grow, and as they grow we see them develop into adults. Often we see our self in them. My daughter reminds me so much of my maternal side of the family. I see my Grandmother in her, my Mother, and me. She is a combination of all of us. Yes there is a bit of her Dad in the mix, but not so much his personality as mine.

This last year she found her first boyfriend. He was a boy that she knew from grammar school and I guess always had a bit of a crush on him. Ana is an artistic type of person, a writer and singer. He is a musician, artist and singer. They took chorus together once they were in high school, so their paths crossed daily. Soon all I was hearing was her talking about Alex this and Alex that until I knew that she had become very attached to him. They began dating and calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend near the end of their Junior year.

This was Ana's first boyfriend. She is not the frivolous type, and she takes love and dating very seriously. So they became inseparable very early in their relationship. We talked about it many times, she and I. Conversation I do not ever remember having with my own Mother. Ana would tell me things that I really didn't even WANT to know. haha

By her Senior year Ana was beginning to feel stressed, she had a job, she was trying to maintain her A+ grade point average, she is like me, stress takes a toll on her. It is hard to understand all the stress a person may feel unless you are that person. But Alex didn't drive, he didn't have a car or a license, or a job. Senior year is an expensive one, the prom, senior pictures, senior key, sweater, invitations, announcements, cap and gown. Ana paid for a lot of these things for him, because he didn't have the resources. She didn't begrudge paying for him, it was just that she didn't see him making any effort on his own behalf. He was just fine letting her do it all. She was even doing most of his homework for him. The homework that actually got done. Finally about April I could tell something was wrong. She told me, Alex and I have broken up. It made me a bit sad, but I understood.

Alex was also a very emotionally needy person. She needed to reassure him of her love minute by minute. He clung to Ana, he practically smothered her. Ana loved him, but she couldn't understand his insecurities. We talked about this also. He came here everyday after she got off work, she went and picked him up, he came here everyday after school when she didn't work. She went over in the morning and picked him up for school, and then drove him home again. He ate dinner with us every night. And he occupied her every minute. I do not know when she got her homework done, but she managed. I think that is where a lot of the stress was coming from. So after they broke up we talked. She told me, "Mom, I just couldn't take it anymore, he acted like we were attached at the hip or something." I told her, there are men like that. But what you must always remember, do you want a life without him. Consider this very carefully Ana, will your life be better without him, or will you miss him. Do not do or say anything that you will regret later.

Well that was last April....they took some time away from each other and during this time he got a job, a drivers license, a car, some Independence and self esteem. He was in serious danger of not graduating, but after they broke up, he began doing his homework also....and he graduated, not with honors, but he got his diploma.

In the last week I noticed she has been spending time once again with Alex. They went to the show, they went shopping, they spent some time here, and she spent some time over there. So maybe they are once again dating. But I think things will be different now. I am happy for both of them, I really think they are good for one another. They have so much in common, and they really do love one another. But as I told Ana, take it slow, you are young, you don't need to put the pedal to the metal and rush into your life. Your future is ahead of you, and you need to NOT make any rash or sudden decisions. But because she is so much like me, I am sure she isn't going to listen.

13 comments:

Eel Wind said...

true love doesn't come easy but that doesn't mean true love doesn't come at all. maybe he is not the guy for Ana, but one thing for sure is that the guy has become better because if Ana. Isn't it great? if both of them are fated to be together, they will be. It's just a matter of time.

maybe a temporary separate is good in the long run :)

Nea said...

Hi elween, it seemed to work good for them, they seem to have a much healthier relationship now. If a relationship is too lopsided I feel it is headed for trouble. They had a lot of issues before that seem to have been ironed out. But maybe it is just because things aren't quite as intense.....it was both of their first dating thing.....they are both one person type people. And even after breaking up, neither one had any other dates with anyone else. So that has helped. No "water under the bridge" to forget about.....

QUASAR9 said...

More beautiful every day!

Nea said...

Hello Q...thank you :)..she is a nice young lady. And so grown up now.....sigh...

quilldancer.com said...

Nea, just keep talking. Ana has a resource you never had -- solid parental support. You let her experience, then help her process those experiences. Keep the lines of communication open. You can't protect her from a broken heart -- that's life -- but you can help Ana live through it.

And don't forget to come by Punny Monday!

Nea said...

truthfully I am just trying to help her to not my same mistakes, but you know how that goes. they have to make their own mistakes.

captain corky said...

At least you guys can talk about it. That's a big bonus!

Burfica said...

Probably best thing she did was to break up with him for a bit.

I knew my husband since 2nd grade. We almost dated in high school, and if we would have we would have gotten married right out of, and probably be divorced by now.

But we both went and lived a little and grew up alot, and then got married, and are now on 15 years.

Nea said...

Hello Captain corky, yes, she likes to talk to me, she likes to tell me every little detail. But what she doesn't like is for me to make any suggestions. But that is kids for you, if I were to say to much she would stop talking so, I mostly let her do the talking. It is her way of working things out in her head.

Nea said...

Hi Burfica, well, her experience is very similar to one of my own. But for me it didn't work out. But of course even though things were similar, nothing is exactly the same, especially people. As I told her, Ana I think Alex is looking for direction. He just doesn't have self motivation, he really wasn't lazy. He just didn't know where to begin. Hard to get a job without a car, hard to get a car without a job. And really his parents were of little help. We bought Ana a car.....

I am sure she doesn't remember it, but when she got her job. I was with her at the store, and I was talking to the lady, and told her how much Ana loved her store and how much she would like to work there, The lady and I must have talked for over an hour. Ana didn't have a car yet either, but I assured the lady if she hired Ana I would make sure that she got to work each day. Ana was ony 16. I know that she feels that she got her job ALL ON HER OWN. But I have to think that her boss knew she was taking a chance hiring a 16 year old.

Nea said...

Burfica.......you have known him most of your life then. Wow your history goes way back. I think that is nice.....I remember the boy that I loved in Grammer school. We had known each other from Kindergarten, we used to dance together in 1st grade. He told me in 1st grade that he loved me and that someday we would get married. He got killed in a logging accident a month after getting out of high school. To this day, I think he is one that I run after searching for in my reacurring dreams. I won't ever get over how I felt about him.

Nea said...

I have been married three time, and no one has filled the void.

Queenie said...

Its so good you can talk, my son and I have long conversations about life, love etc. I wish I could have had the same relationship with my folks. I do hope things work out for the best, and everyone ends up happy.