So Like Me

We watch our children grow, and as they grow we see them develop into adults. Often we see our self in them. My daughter reminds me so much of my maternal side of the family. I see my Grandmother in her, my Mother, and me. She is a combination of all of us. Yes there is a bit of her Dad in the mix, but not so much his personality as mine.

This last year she found her first boyfriend. He was a boy that she knew from grammar school and I guess always had a bit of a crush on him. Ana is an artistic type of person, a writer and singer. He is a musician, artist and singer. They took chorus together once they were in high school, so their paths crossed daily. Soon all I was hearing was her talking about Alex this and Alex that until I knew that she had become very attached to him. They began dating and calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend near the end of their Junior year.

This was Ana's first boyfriend. She is not the frivolous type, and she takes love and dating very seriously. So they became inseparable very early in their relationship. We talked about it many times, she and I. Conversation I do not ever remember having with my own Mother. Ana would tell me things that I really didn't even WANT to know. haha

By her Senior year Ana was beginning to feel stressed, she had a job, she was trying to maintain her A+ grade point average, she is like me, stress takes a toll on her. It is hard to understand all the stress a person may feel unless you are that person. But Alex didn't drive, he didn't have a car or a license, or a job. Senior year is an expensive one, the prom, senior pictures, senior key, sweater, invitations, announcements, cap and gown. Ana paid for a lot of these things for him, because he didn't have the resources. She didn't begrudge paying for him, it was just that she didn't see him making any effort on his own behalf. He was just fine letting her do it all. She was even doing most of his homework for him. The homework that actually got done. Finally about April I could tell something was wrong. She told me, Alex and I have broken up. It made me a bit sad, but I understood.

Alex was also a very emotionally needy person. She needed to reassure him of her love minute by minute. He clung to Ana, he practically smothered her. Ana loved him, but she couldn't understand his insecurities. We talked about this also. He came here everyday after she got off work, she went and picked him up, he came here everyday after school when she didn't work. She went over in the morning and picked him up for school, and then drove him home again. He ate dinner with us every night. And he occupied her every minute. I do not know when she got her homework done, but she managed. I think that is where a lot of the stress was coming from. So after they broke up we talked. She told me, "Mom, I just couldn't take it anymore, he acted like we were attached at the hip or something." I told her, there are men like that. But what you must always remember, do you want a life without him. Consider this very carefully Ana, will your life be better without him, or will you miss him. Do not do or say anything that you will regret later.

Well that was last April....they took some time away from each other and during this time he got a job, a drivers license, a car, some Independence and self esteem. He was in serious danger of not graduating, but after they broke up, he began doing his homework also....and he graduated, not with honors, but he got his diploma.

In the last week I noticed she has been spending time once again with Alex. They went to the show, they went shopping, they spent some time here, and she spent some time over there. So maybe they are once again dating. But I think things will be different now. I am happy for both of them, I really think they are good for one another. They have so much in common, and they really do love one another. But as I told Ana, take it slow, you are young, you don't need to put the pedal to the metal and rush into your life. Your future is ahead of you, and you need to NOT make any rash or sudden decisions. But because she is so much like me, I am sure she isn't going to listen.