Christmas 2014

When we are young our Christmas's seem golden.    When I was a child we didn't have a lot of money, so we got two presents, one a toy and one of clothes.   Even with our limited income our Christmas was so much fun.   I always loved Christmas.

I do not know what happened to me,  somewhere along the way I have lost my Christmas spirit.  This year was the very worst of all.  I couldn't work up the energy to even haul out many of my decorations,  I finally got a tree up,  because I love to sit in the evening in the quiet when everyone has gone to bed and just stare at the tree.   But as I have grown older it seems that Christmas just makes me sad.   I think of Mom,  all the meals she cooked for us and how much we enjoyed them,  never to be eaten again.  I cook the same meal and mine is just as good as hers, but still I miss her meals.  

Of my five children only two are close enough to always be here for Christmas.  Although my son Trevor has been coming  here for quite a few years now.  This year his wife is expecting a baby and didn't want to travel so it was especially quiet here this Christmas.   Ana usually comes home a few days early and brings out a lot of the decorations,  but it didn't happen this year, so all that was out was what I put out, and it wasn't very much.

I cooked my meal and we opened our presents and then I went back to cooking.  We didn't eat this year until almost 9.  I got a very late start because we stayed up so late the night before.   My daughter who usually brings with her a bit of extra Christmas spirit seemed to have left hers at home this year.   She came and slept,  ate and then went back to sleep, then got up and left.    I guess her thoughts were elsewhere.

I am not promising to do better next year,  I can not make that promise.    I am tired and without the energy that I once possessed, who knows how I will feel next year.  I take it one day at a time.